YH1: Behind The Battle
by Tourniquet Productions
Summary: A parody of VH1's Behind the Music, each chapter is an episode of lies and out of character interviews dedicated to the fighters of Yu Yu Hakusho. Basically a collection of bizarrefalse documentaries.


Disclaimer: I am not Yoshihiro Togashi, therefore I not own Yu Yu Hakusho. Nor do I own copyright to VH1's Behind the Music.  
  
YH1 Presents  
Behind the Battle  
  
[The Ice Master, Touya]  
  
Today, we take a close look at one of Yu Yu Hakusho's lesser noticed fighters. Revealing secrets, scandals, and a side that most have never seen; All ahead on YH1's Behind the Battle!  
  
Touya's place of birth, along with his true age and full name are unknown to most. Those who obtain this knowledge, himself included, insist to withhold the information from us.  
  
Though he seems a normal, well-minded youth; there remain a still-growing amount of questions about him. Who is he, really?  
  
* [Jin, Best Friend] (Full name and true age were also withheld)  
  
"He's Touya! Not much to tell about the lad, he's a good fighter. Not as good as me if I do say so, but he pulls his weight."  
  
"Aye, I met him a long time ago, I don't keep track of dates! I was a bit on the loopy side, if yah know what I mean so I can't really say. It was a long time ago."  
  
* [Yusuke Urameshi, Acquaintance]  
  
"I knew of him but I met him through the Dark Tournament, I didn't take the time to get to know the guy, I had stuff goin' on."  
  
"If you ask me, there was something weird about him. Something weird about Jin and his friendship, but then again.. Jin always was weird. Crazy Irish son of a bitch. *Laughter*"  
  
Indeed, there was something not right about this mysterious demon known only as Touya. Things would be revealed that not even most of his teammates would have suspected.  
  
* [Shuiichi Minamino, Acquaintance] (fought against in the Dark Tournament)  
  
"I had hardly noticed anything 'strange' during our battle, nothing too out of the ordinary. Though, I had found it a tad peculiar when Botan and Yukina had spoken to him before the battle."  
  
"It was only later that I learned they had 'met' before."  
  
'Met' was hardly the word to describe the relationship Touya shared with the girls. Revealing a dark secret of Yukina and Botan's that had been swept under the rug so to speak. It was only later that we learned more or less, their relationship was purely sexual.  
  
* [Jin, Best Friend]  
  
"Aye, Touya was quiet the charmer! But that's not even the beginning of it, oh no! The gambling, the alcohol, the drugs, the... Oh wait, that was me!"  
  
"I remember him mentioning Yukina, but I had to find out about that Botan lass on me' own! A bit disturbing if you ask me! Not something I would'a expected from Touya!"  
  
* [Yukina, Partner] (full name and true age also withheld)  
  
"Ah, well, yes. Touya and myself were close for a short period of time, but it's really not that big a deal."  
  
Not that big a deal? We think differently. Despite the girl's statements of merely being 'close', we eventually learned the true nature of the pairing between the two.  
  
In late fall, two years before the Dark Tournament that Touya had participated in was held, he and Yukina had met for the first time through a friend.  
  
* [Jin, Best Friend]  
  
"Oh! Yeah! She was the lass I set ol'Touya up on a blind date with!"  
  
"She was a pip that one was!"  
  
Their relationship quickly turned into an intimate one, one that Yukina's brother Hiei would remain oblivious to.  
  
* [Hiei, No Title] (Would not tell us anything)  
  
*Shifts eyes* "What are you people talking about?"  
  
As we said, oblivious.  
  
As time passed, Yukina and Touya had lost contact with one another. It would seem Touya had one day, decided to up and leave without so much as a goodbye. It was a solid 7 months before Yukina had heard word from him again.  
  
* [Jin, Best Friend]  
  
"It's hard to say, I think he just got bored of the lass, the Lord knows I would have!"  
  
* [Yukina, Partner]  
  
"Of course I was upset for a little while, but like I said we were only together for a short time anyway. I'm sure he had his reasons."  
  
Reasons, he had. But not very good ones.  
  
* [Yusuke Urameshi, Acquaintance]  
  
"Touya basically told Jin everything, and me and Jin are like this." *Crosses fingers* "So you know I was filled in on a lot."  
  
"He spent those seven months having a good time! Not training! Shit, where I come from... It's called a 'one night stand'...and from what it sounds like, he was having one every night! All the more power to him, he got away with all of them!"  
  
It was clear now how Botan knew Touya, it was the answer to the question how all the girls who were familiar with the Urameshi team – seemed no stranger to Touya.  
  
* [Koto, Ex-Acquaintance]  
  
"That bastard, I hope he's burning in hell!"  
  
"Him and his Irish buddy, pick me up at this club, get me drunk as fuck and then the next morning, leave me to wake up with this majorly bad hangover and wondering why I'm naked!"  
  
"It was only later that I.. remembered, like at the Dark Tournament, yeah. And don't think I just stood there and smiled at him when I saw him, nope. I'm glad Kurama kicked his ass!"  
  
* [Juri, Ex-Acquaintance]  
  
"I said I didn't want to die a virgin but, some guys have like... such nerve! I mean, like... I don't know, I thought he was different."  
  
- At this point in the interview she had gone through at least half the tissue box we had provided. -  
  
"It's like he thought he was such a player!"  
  
Player was hardly the word, especially when the shocking realization of Keiko's actions came to surface.  
  
* [Keiko Yukimora, Ex-Acquaintance]  
  
"I have no idea what you're talking about."  
  
Oh, yes Keiko, we think you do. Though Keiko refused to continue with the interview, we heard first hand from someone else who Touya had confided in.  
  
* [Chuu, Friend/Teammate] (Full name and true age were withheld)  
  
"That lass? Well a'course she's denying it! *Laughter* You know she's Urameshi's girlfriend, don't yah?"  
  
"But, yah, I'd hold my hand up to the bible! I'm no religious guy but, Keiko and Touya defiantly had somethin' goin' on!"  
  
* [Jin, Best Friend]  
  
"Keiko? Oh! Urameshi's girl! Yah, a bit of shocker there, don't yah think? But this one I even walked in on a few times! Saw it with me own eyes I did!"  
  
"They were goin' at it like rabbits!"  
  
We wouldn't dare confront Yusuke Urameshi with the facts, so we turned to his best friend instead.  
  
* [Kazuma Kuwabara, No Title]  
  
"Look, everyone knows about that. Urameshi knows, he just won't admit it! Keiko denies it, and he just beats up whoever talks about it.. they both know the truth though!"  
  
"Not like me and Yukina at all, we share everything with each other!"  
  
But when we turned to Yukina and asked about the nature of the relationship she shared with Kazuma her reaction was laughter.  
  
* [Yukina, Partner]  
  
"Oh no! Kazuma and I are just friends, he's so sweet. A little weird, but that's humans for you."  
  
Yukina had not only withheld the truth from her brother, the only family she had left. But from most of her best friends as well; why was it so important to keep everyone hushed about it? And from what it appears, if she could keep Hiei out of the loop, this girl was pretty clever.  
  
* [Hiei, No Title]  
  
"I'm leaving now."  
  
Sadly and pathetically oblivious.  
  
* [Yusuke Urameshi, Acquaintance]  
  
"Yeah, but not so much as a 'player' I would call him, the guy was just having a good time! He was pimpin' so to speak."  
  
"If I were one of the God knows how many girls, I'd have a grudge too."  
  
A pimp indeed; soon it became so that Touya went out every night, neglecting his friends and girlfriend to have sex with total strangers.  
  
* [Shishiwakumaru, Teammate]  
  
"Yukina didn't mind because she had no idea, stupid girl just thought he liked going out with Jin. Even when Jin stayed home."  
  
"It got to the point where I pitied her, in a way. It was sad to watch. I would have never guessed Touya to be so deceitful and unfaithful. *Laughter* I was proud in a sense."  
  
But soon the every night 'party-going' led Touya down a path that he could not turn back from. In late April, roughly a year before the upcoming tournament, Touya brought home someone his teammates had never expected to see with their friend.  
  
* [Shishiwakumaru, Teammate]  
  
"He was so short, she was so tall. It looked so wrong. But it pissed the hell out of Yukina, that's all the entertainment I required."  
  
* [Shizuru Kuwabara, Ex-Acquaintance]  
  
"To put it simply, if there's a way you can make our relationship sound simple, we had fun together. Sure it's a shame what happened, but he had it coming."  
  
"Guilty? No, why should I? His life, his fault. With the roll he was on, if it hadn't been Botan. It would have been someone else."  
  
Shizuru and Touya quickly earned a reputation around the many areas where Touya 'made friends', a reputation that would start one of the biggest rivalries of his life.  
  
* [Kazuma Kuwabara, No Title]  
  
"My sister told me she was helping out at on old people's nursing home! And that night, when Urameshi pointed her out in the crowd, with that bastard- well a'course I marched right up to'im! Wouldn't you have?"  
  
The confrontation between the two that night left Kuwabara in the hospital and Touya a one way ticket to a sight he'd never seen before. Jail.  
  
It was no sooner than both boys had been released than no sooner had they went at it a second time. This time, both making threats on each other's lives. But what Kuwabara had said, it wasn't in his nature to fulfill. Touya on the other hand...  
  
* [Jin, Best Friend]  
  
"He came home that night, yellin' and screamin' about some dumb-fuck named Kazuma! It wasn't until after he had gotten us all excited about killin' the lad that I had recognized him to one of Urameshi's friends!"  
  
"Of course I didn't go through with it, I have some honor! Besides the fact, Urameshi would'a kicked me arse!"  
  
Mid-May is when the threat was made into a reality, as Touya accompanied by four of his allies jumped Kazuma two streets away from his home one night, brutally beating the teenager and leaving him to die.  
  
* [Shishiwakumaru, Teammate]  
  
"I had nothing better to do, I have no regrets."  
  
* [Yukina, Partner]  
  
"I didn't believe it at first, until Hiei visited me and started asking about Kazuma. That's when I knew Touya had changed for the worse. Poor Kazuma."  
  
* [Shuiichi Minamino, Acquaintance]  
  
"Poor Kuwabara, it was a senseless act of violence on Touya's part. I can't say I wasn't disappointed, but it wasn't as if I had expected better of him. Kuwabara can get carried away with what he says but the truth was, he was just looking out for his sister."  
  
"It's a miracle that he survived."  
  
* [Shizuru Kuwabara, Ex-Acquaintance]  
  
"My baby brother got what was coming to him, I'm sorry- but I'm being brutally honest. He should have minded his own business. Now I admit I didn't approve of the late night alley beating.. acting like they were a bunch of pissed off Mexicans, but still."  
  
"No, I wasn't angry with Touya."  
  
It seemed, despite their behavior during the Dark Tournament, both teams had met previous to the occasion. Or, at least most of the team's members.  
  
When the day of the tournament had finally arrived, both Touya and an ally from team Urameshi had gone missing. It wasn't until two days later that Touya and Botan had appeared again; with no explanation as to where they had been.  
  
* [Jin, Best Friend]  
  
"Touya didn't need to tell us where he'd been! We knew, or at least I did. Not so sure about Reishyo though. But me and Ruka knew!"  
  
"Botan though? *Shivers* Somethin' not right in his head that day! I'm tellin' you, she might look young an' pippy put God knows what she's hiding under that Kimono! I can imagine it's as bad as Genkai!"  
  
A side to Botan was let out as well though, no one had ever suspected to see or hear about such behavior from the Grim Reaper.  
  
* [Koenma, No Title]  
  
"Botan was a fox, so to speak. She had such a wild side to her, I myself had the.. pleasure of her company.."  
  
* [Keiko Yukimora, Ex-Acquaintance]  
  
"At the time, I had no idea Botan could be such a slut."  
  
* [Koenma, No Title]  
  
"She slept around all the time, with anyone! Anywhere! She and Touya were a match made in Heaven. It was so unbelievably out of character for her though, it was like.. she was a different person. Maybe she figured nothing like that could have ever happened to her, but whatever possessed her to think that way.. it ruined both their lives."  
  
"One, more so than the other."  
  
Only a short time after the passing of the Makai Tournament, Touya noticed himself becoming weaker. It wasn't until he began showing signs of looking sickly he decided to seek professional help in the Ningenkai. And on December 2nd of that year, Touya learned he had fallen to victim a life threatening STD. He was HIV positive.  
  
Shortly after, everyone involved that Touya had let know of his illness, learned Botan was most likely to blame because she was positive for the disease as well.  
  
* [Yukina, Partner]  
  
"My first reaction was disbelief, I didn't think it was possible. Touya and I had patched things up, he stopped fooling around. He seemed like a changed person."  
  
"He knew for a long time before he decided to tell anyone or do anything about it. Maybe he didn't believe it either, I don't know."  
  
* [Shizuru Kuwabara, Ex-Acquaintance]  
  
"Like I said, he had it coming."  
  
* [Yusuke Urameshi, Acquaintance]  
  
"Botan, of all people! God all friggin' mighty! But, that's life, for yah. Still, Koenma could have helped out Touya too, but.. Yeah."  
  
* [Koenma, No Title]  
  
"It was not my place to interfere, it was Touya's time to go. As for Botan, I had no choice but to intervene.. she was still...needed."  
  
Koenma had learned of Botan's disadvantage and helped her out by curing her of the disease. Most believe he could have just as easily found a new Grim Reaper and he was playing favorites, he was accused of not helping Touya for the same reason. That he merely wasn't fond of him enough to help.  
  
* [Jin, Best Friend]  
  
"It was a sad day when Touya came to me and me about the sickness, I thought it was a joke and laughed at him at first. I look back and feel bad about that now. He was my best friend, and I miss him. He had too many flaws than any of us could count, but he was our friend. He was a good person deep down."  
  
"No one of us will ever forget him, even if I wanted to... I could never."  
  
And so ended the Ice Master's life of cheating on women, training and fighting to become stronger, being among his friends and teammates.. and Yukina. Truth was never spoken of their relationship and most likely never will be.  
  
With the uncountable amount of broken hearts he left behind, it will definitely be a long time before his name is ever remotely forgotten.  
  
* (-Author's Notes-) Whew, I had fun with this one, and to think this all came to mind from a blurry picture of a bunny and a four hour car drive. LOL. Yes, I know Touya would never do anything like what I have made him; it's very out of character. But I find it extremely humorous and I hope you do too. The narrator's opinion is supposed to sound corny and stupid, so yeah. This episode was short but I like how it turned out. Look out for more, and if and when you review... let me know who you want me to do an episode on. Hiei? Kurama? Jin? Whatever.  
  
Anyway, don't flame about how out of character they all are. I already know, it's kind of the point. 


End file.
